that frog girl

Dear Dead White Philosopher Guys:

My name is Diane. I have recently had occasion to read an interesting sampling of your work as part of a class I have been taking on educational philosophy, and I just had to thank you for the profound impact you’ve had on me – no, not just me, but on all mankind.

Thank you for your brilliant contributions to society. For your word-games, your endless arguments over semantics and your pre-Bush-era pioneering of the art of the pre-emptive rhetorical flourish to undermine in advance your potential critics’ potential counterarguments to the potential implications of your potential bullshit.

Thank you for your distillation of what had been a perfectly simple one-or-two-sentence-long idea into a ponderous two-hundred pages worth of old man ramblings.

Thank you for your tireless efforts to question everything I have ever intuited in my life, up to and including my idea that there is such a thing as a fact.

And most of all, thank you. Thank you thank you thank you thank you for undertaking the difficult – nay, almost impossible task – of deigning to try to posit how your brilliant, universal theories about the generalized truth of all human existence might possibly be able to be adapted to meet the fickle, unimaginable, irrational peculiarities of that small subset of humans who happen to have been born with an XX set of chromosomes. I know if must have pained you greatly to contort your grand and universal human truths to fit the impossible eccentricities and flights of fancy to which women are prone, but I assure you that your work is all the richer for it. If nothing else, this exercise in examining another human being’s alien form social positionality has certainly helped me, as an individual, to understand exactly what pompous blowhards you all are, and I am quite convinced that my understanding of educational philosophy, and my efforts to craft my own personal philosophy, will be much enhanced by this important realization.

Again, thank you.

XOXO,
-Diane.